


Gypsophila

by hernamewasalice



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arranged Marriage, Cults, F/M, Five year age difference, Marking, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:01:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28807773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hernamewasalice/pseuds/hernamewasalice
Summary: A gold thread and baby's breath. That's what binds them.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 113
Kudos: 166





	1. Baby's Breath

**_Gypsophila_** /dʒɪpˈsɒfɪlə/ is a genus of flowering plants in the carnation family, Caryophyllaceae.

Rey snuck out, again.

Kylo finds out during training and was unable to keep himself composed. He ends up seething throughout the whole day, violent as always when she does this. "Kylo you know she's young, she's only inclined to make mistakes," his mother reminded him.

He ignores his mother's attempt to pull him to shore. "Has anyone found her yet?"

Leia pursed her lips wearily. "Not yet but we always find her."

"It's dangerous outside of our borders -

"I know. She misses home."

" _This_ is her home," he emphasized. Had been for eight years. It upsets him that she still remembers her past and worse, that she even misses it. She's was six when Luke found her in the abandoned apartment and yet she doesn't see the hell hole place as it was. Ever since she's reached puberty, she's been trying to go back to the place.

"She's still adjusting to the news."

Kylo winced for it was the truth. "She's known this since last year. She should be honored." In two years, Kylo will be twenty one and become the new leader of the Community and Rey will be his wife.

"Rey still has time to be a child."

"You baby her," he hissed. His mother always had an excuse for Rey. Always. She never lets Rey take accountability for being so stubborn and brash. "Most girls her age are already married off and expecting."

Leia exhaled deeply. "Yes," she said slowly. "But she wasn't born into the Community like everyone else."

"You have to stop treating her like she's different. She's not."

* * *

Rey is found. He is alerted of the news immediately and waits for her to be returned to him. He's not capable of doing anything else until she's by his side and inspected thoroughly. She's such a difficult girl. If Kylo had a choice he would have picked an obedient one to be his wife but he doesn't make that decision. His grandfather selected her and everything goes by his words until it was Kylo's time.

Samuel and Fredrick come into the quarters with her. Rey's walking in begrudgingly with her head down. Kylo frowned at the sight. Girls her age were already women while she still latches on to be a child. "Thank you," Kylo said using a level tone to his men. "Look at me," he ordered her.

Rey shakes her head.

He notices how slow the men were walking out. He can sense they were trying to create the illusion of normalcy. He can feel it, their anxiousness. Something happened and the men don't want him to know until they were gone. His jaw twitched at his future wife. "Rey, look at me."

The men quickened their pace.

Kylo decides to let them be. His mother says he has to be more sensitive with Rey. Can't exactly publicly humiliate her every time she does something wrong. Rey always does something wrong. She can never leave well enough alone.

"Rey," he says again in a tone she knows not to disobey.

She lifts her head up. Her long hair frames her face - almost too perfectly. Kylo brushes her hair off to the side and his jaw twitches again. Violet bruises were etched into her neck.

There was silence for a moment.

Rey wants to turn away from him but he doesn't let her. He wants her to be acquainted with her shame. It was transparent across her flesh that she left the borders to go kiss boys. He knows it wasn't any of the men in the Community for they knew very well not to. It boils his blood that she's doing things with outside boys. Anyone outside their Community was impure. "I'm sorry," Rey sniffled. She knows she's suppose to save herself for him. This was the girl his grandfather chose not just for Kylo but for their Community. She better grow out of this rebellious phase by the time he becomes the leader. Kylo doesn't know what to do with her.

He doesn't respond to her pleas. Instead, he snatches her by the wrist and yanks her to his quarters. She whines and tries to wriggle from his grip. It only agitates him more. "Stop," he tightened his grip on her thin wrist.

"Why are you taking me to your room? Anakin said we can't be in your room alone until I'm old enough."

"And you're not supposed to be whoring around either," Kylo yelled at her. He pushes her to his bed. She doesn't resist for once. She just lays there in place as he goes on top of her. He pins her down and forces her to be close to him - to look at him. "I don't know what to do with you."

"I didn't mean to - it just happened."

"You know very well that you're supposed to save yourself for me and now that part is gone."

"It was just a kiss," she said feebly.

Kylo shook his head at her. He inches closer to her face, to let her be consumed by his disappointment. She kissed an outsider. Filth. She's crying now acting as if he's hurting her. "It's not something insignificant. You know that. That was meant for me. All of your Firsts."

"It's was just one part."

His eyebrows furrowed at her. He touched one of the marks on her throat. She shivers in response. She's tender there. "That part has led to other things being touched. Have you been touched elsewhere?"

"No," she said immediately.

"You have lost my trust and need to earn it, you know that." His fingers trailed down to the hem of her blouse. He needs to inspect her. Rey remains limp in his hold for she knows he has to in order to have peace. "Is this the first time you've kissed an outsider?"

"Yes."

He exhaled. There's nothing she could say to make it better. Her entire face is flushed.

"Don't look," she said timidly as he pushed up her bra. She's embarrassed and mortified. She covers up her breasts with her hands not out of defiance but instinct.

Kylo holds back from laughing. It was impossible for him not to. He has to search her for anything she might be hiding. He stops as he hears her crying intensify to sobs. "I won't," he promised in a gentle tone. There's no one else like her that can make him this mad but there was one else like her that could make him be tender.

* * *

Once he was done, he slowly dresses her.

"I didn't mean it," Rey said quietly.

"I know," he said with a deep sigh. Kylo knows he has to be more sensitive with her so maybe she'll stop running away. He sits her up on the bed the way he used to when she was little and adjusting to life here.

"Am I tainted now?" she asked. Rey covered her face in his chest the way she used to. She always does when she needed comfort.

"No." Kylo says without a second thought.

He pets her hair. Somehow she manages to still have tears. She's staining his shirt with salt and it makes him think of earlier of how his mother tried to bring his nerves to shore. Kylo knows he has to learn to control his temper and he only remembers when there's salt.

"I ruined myself for you, I'm sorry." Rey doesn't know why she's saying these things as if she needed confirmation. She knows she ruined herself for him. She gave a First to another and he's seen her naked as the result. Kylo was not supposed to see her naked until they were married. She knows she's going to be chastised by the Community and punished by her instructors. Rey didn't even know why she did it to begin with. She can't take it back and the only thing she could take was regret.

Kylo hushes her. "No you didn't. You've been part of the Community for years, nothing can ever make you impure."

Rey clings on to his arm. If burying her face into his chest was an island, then his arm was the boat to get her back into the waters. His arm pries her apart delicately, easing her out of the stagnant island.

He wipes her tears away with his fingers. "I want to have that First. It belongs to me either way."

She nods. Not out of reluctance but of giving.

His heart skipped a beat from the jolt of life. Kylo lathes his fingers around her waist, disregarding all the physical signs of the other. Of the outsider. The outsider's markings was temporary. His will be permanent when the time comes. When she's old enough, she'll wear low cut clothes so his markings will be visible to the Community. It was custom for leaders to give their wives love marks every single night so it would be on display always. "This will be our secret."

Rey nods again. She knows they weren't suppose to be having any Firsts until they were married. It was only fair to give him a First to mend the tattered down bridge between them. Kylo gestures for her to lay on her back. She does.

She waits in anticipation, her cheeks already flushed. He's going to kiss her. She's nervous. He moves but to her surprise he moves down. She tries to speak but then he parts her thighs. His touch is light and it indicates to her that it's all that it's going to be. "Don't worry, I won't look. I'll close my eyes."

Her blush deepened. She flinches as he dips his head down. "You said you were going to give me a kiss -

"I am but in a spot that hasn't been touched." He remained calm as he sensed her confusion.

Rey went silent as she felt his lashes against her skin down there. His eyes are closed. Just like he promised. _Don't_ , she wanted to say. She's squirming as his tongue flickered along her private part. They were thin, long subtle strokes.

One.

Two.

Three.

All ever so slowly.

He presses his lips then.

Softly.

Her heart skipped a beat. He moved away gradually, touch lingering despite him not being there anymore.

"I can tell that wasn't the kiss you were expecting." He licks his lips to wet them or perhaps have a taste.

"No," she said quietly. She's flustered and he's amused, content almost.

His eyes lowered to hers. He presses his lips on top of her head then, leaving a wet mark there. Rey sits up on the bed, hugging her legs as she watched him leave to give her baby's breath. When a First is taken, the man puts a cluster of baby's breath in a woman's hair. And the woman would have that cluster of flowers there from now on for the rest of her days. The woman will grow to have seven clusters of baby's breath in her hair. One for each First. To adorn with a necklace of violet love marks.

Rey has only one cluster in her hair - first meeting. And now he was wrapping with gold thread another cluster of Gypsophila. Baby's breath. This one she cannot wear publicly for she's not expected to have this First. It was a matter of tradition. She sits idly as he ties a firm knot. He tilts her chin up and she adjusts herself for documentation for his personal records.

He takes his phone out of his pocket. Rey doesn't have a phone. She's too young. She won't be able to have one until she was fifteen. It seemed so far away. And yet she won't marry him until she was sixteen and that seem so close. Kylo discards the second cluster of flowers from her hair afterwards. No one can know. They're not suppose to be having any other Firsts passed First meeting.

Kylo takes her into the car. Can't have anyone see her hickeys. Especially since they weren't his. He drives them to the outside area to buy her makeup to cover up the bruises. No one will know. He doesn't want her to be shamed for a mistake. During the drive he calls up Samuel and Frederick and they swear not to say a word. Rey tries to suppress the joy in her but he already knows. She loved being outside the Community. Always had. It seems he only uses his car to get her out of her messes. Cars were meant to be used once a month for there was no other need to go outside the Community other than supplies or relieving urges.

When boys turn fourteen, they go outside to the city to gain sexual experiences with prostitutes for they are not allowed to sleep with the girls in the Community until they were married. The girls in the Community, they wait. They stay pure. And the boys in the Community learn from having sex with impure women from the outside.

Rey has her window opened in the car, sticking her head out like a dog. It's night and she liked seeing the neon lights. She's staring in awe and it does something to him. "The stars in the Community are much prettier," he tells her. He's barely paying attention to the road. How can he when it was clear they were different from one another. He wishes she loved the simple life like she's supposed to. If she did, there wouldn't trouble. If she fully embraced the ideologies of the Community then she wouldn't be constantly running away to the outside.

Kylo wished his grandfather selected any one but her. Someone who was loyal and faithful. Someone who wasn't going to run away on the day of their wedding. "Can you stop? Can you pull off to the side of the road?" she asked dejectedly.

"What's wrong?"

"The flowers slipped out from my hair - I want them back."

He stops immediately without a second thought. He doesn't lecture her about sticking her head out of the window or remark the tedious task she has created for him in searching for the gold thread in the tall grass. He doesn't at all. She wants the symbol of their First meeting where it was suppose to be, in her hair. The Community has a field of baby's breath but it was the matter of principle.

Rey wants them and he'll do anything to keep her wanting them. A symbol of their forming bond. A sign from her that she's coming around to their union.

Kylo opens the door for her before searching for the golden thread in the dark. Finding the white flowers were easy but a thin sliver of thread was another story. Rey holds his phone, using the flashlight mode for him as he's on his hands and knees. Minutes pass and he finds it. She stands there idly as he wrapped the thread around the white flowers to latch on to her lock of hair.

He's known her since she was six but has been putting flowers in her hair for only a year. Ever since his grandfather announced the girl he selected for Kylo. It's common to be assigned to a younger girl, five years age difference wasn't much. He pulls down the cluster to redo it - to smooth out her hair. Rey wasn't fond of many of the customs of the Community but she liked having flowers in her hair. He makes sure he does it perfectly so she'll see how kind he can be. So maybe she won't run away. He wished he brought extra flowers with him so she wouldn't be stuck with wilted ones. The only time she wasn't wild was when he was fastening gypsophila to her hair. "Let's go," he said. "We have to get you back to Mother Kanata."

She frowns and whines. She's too old to be doing that. "Can we get some Slurpees first?"

"You know we're only allowed to have junk food twice a year." The Community had high standards of having a diet consisting clean and unprocessed food. Junk food was special occasion food, only meant for celebrations.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please? I won't run away I promise."

"You and I know that you can't keep that promise."

Rey sighed and slumped her shoulders. "Fine."

"It's late anyways. Whenever you want to go to the city, just ask me instead of running away. I can take you." It was dangerous for her to keep doing this. She could get herself hurt or maybe never come back again. Rey wasn't like the other girls in the Community. Rey wasn't shy. She wasn't afraid of the outside for she used to belong there. She was fully capable of surviving on her own. That's why his grandfather selected her to be Kylo's wife.

She lights up altogether. "Really? You're always busy though with training and meetings."

"We'll sort it out." He places his hand on her back and gestures her to go inside the car so he can take her home. Take her to Mother Kanata.

During the drive Kylo takes an exit early.

Rey notices it. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah just figured to get some gas while we're at it."

Rey sits up straight as he drives to a gas station. They don't have those in the Community. She tries not to stare at the gas station mart. He turns off the car and hands her a five dollar bill. "Don't take too long okay." He said it not as a question but an order.

She nodded eagerly, unable to hide her delight. She's grinning as she takes the money. Sometimes Ben was nice. He would never say but she knows he picked this location to get gas because they had Slurpees. "I won't." Rey times herself, making sure she doesn't take too much of his time. You have to be strategic with your snack choices especially with a set amount.

She's going to get a Cherry Slurpee for sure but doesn't know what snack to accompany it with. Rey walked around each aisle twice. Should she get Spicy Cheeto puffs or sour gummy bears? Or how about strawberry sprinkle donuts? Rey stopped. She knows the perfect thing to get.

Rey exits out of the store and walks back to the car with two Slurpees.

Ben helps her. He opens her door. He always does. "Did they run out of the large cups?"

She laughed. His eyebrows are furrowed in confusion. "No silly. I wanted to get you something too."


	2. White Seashells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to make another chap ❤
> 
> PS if ya'll didn't read the tags it's a mf CULT.  
> prepare for unsettling cult shit

Ben wasn't much of a sweets person. Rey watches him hold his Slurpee and stare at it profusely. He took several sips but he didn't think much of it. While her, on the other hand was nearly done. She slows down to make this moment last a little bit longer. Them, sitting in the car at night - parked in a gas station - drinking Slurpees together. Him sharing the world she used to be a part of.

This was something they would have done if they weren't part of the Community. Like going out on dates like miniature golf or the movies and spending time in the car eating fast food. Dating was different in the Community. You get assigned your person and you follow the phases laid out. She looks at him in fascination, the neon lights are giving him a red luminous glow. His eyes shined like golden ember in the red neon lights. That color was bright and bold, often associated with power and anger in art but he doesn't look menacing at all. He looks like he always does to her, the thing that binds her to the Community. His chest was an island where she goes for rest. His arms was the boat to get her back to the waters, encourages her to keep going after a mistake. His face was the very reason why she stays here. In the Community. He's the comfort after her parents left.

Rey's heart skipped a beat as she became aware that she must have been bathed in the crimson hues too. She wonders how she must of look like to him at this very second. She must have been a hypnotizing sight, he seems like he's in a trance. Perhaps she was too.

Reminiscent to a scene from her favorite teen romance movie.

She hasn't seen it since she became part of the Community. But she remembers every word and every aesthetic shots of it.

If this was a movie, he would lean and kiss her. On the mouth. He doesn't though because they're not allowed to until marriage. And they're not at the comfortable stage to do so either way. She's too young for him and he's too much of a brother figure to her still. But if it was a movie they will be kissing and tasting sugary cherry slushies on each other's lips. Perhaps she'll taste a bit of herself too from earlier.

And she would be able to call him Ben if this was a movie. She can't in real life. She's not allowed to ever since his thirteenth birthday but he'll always be Ben to her in her mind.

Ben takes another sip and sets it aside in the cup holder.

He tries.

Honestly he does.

It's the same way that she does with the Community. She tries her hardest to fit in and assemble but her dismay was carved into her face. He tries embracing parts of her past - her life before the Community - but it was clear he wasn't fond of it. Rey's not upset by this. He was raised in the Community while Rey was adopted in as a child. She was only six but she remembers everything about the outside like the back of her hand.

She misses it every single day - public school, fairs, night life. She misses her parents the most. She knows it was her place to stay in the Community. She has an important role ever since it was decided for her last year. She was going to be the Community leader's wife and yet, she keeps going back to the outside and visiting her old home. Her old apartment.

Ben always tells her to stop that her parents aren't coming back.

But she keeps going because she feels it in her bones that they will. They will return back into the apartment. They will. Ben wants nothing but her happiness but she also knows he also doesn't ever want her parents to come back. Because if they did, they will take her away from the Community. And she would be a normal teenager. Ever since she was five, she dreamed of growing up and being a high schooler. Going to dances and football games. Being able to wear makeup and drive. Going on dates. All that fun stuff.

The Community doesn't live the same way like the rest of the world.

Their way of living isn't that bad but it wasn't the life she wanted. She doesn't want to get married early. She wants to be able to go out with friends - her old friends. It would have been easier if her parents disappeared when she was a baby. So she wouldn't have such a strong connection to her life before the Community. It always surprises Ben, how much she remembers.

She had a very good memory. She still remembers the direction of her old home, old elementary school, and favorite park and arcade. They don't have an arcade at the Community.

The cup eventually becomes empty and she knows she can no longer stall.

"Ready to go?" he asked her.

She takes a deep before giving him the clear.

* * *

Ben loves her, she knows this deep in her bones but it's not the type of love she wants though. She wants real love not obligation. He's loyal to the Community and he loves her because he has to. She's known him ever since Father Luke found her alone in the apartment. Father Luke was his uncle and so Rey was around Ben by default. Their family were the founders of the Community. They were a big deal.

He does care for her.

She remembers vividly the first few months adjusting to the Community. She was too young to understand her parents never came back home. She would cry every single day for them and try to run back to the apartment - at the place right where they left her. So they know where to find her. Rey would always get stopped though.

And Ben would make her feel better. He would keep her company. Take her out and show her the pretty parts of the Community. Like the lakes. And the field of gypsophila. He would get her things too, like paper and new pencils and crayons. She loved drawing. Most of her childhood consisted of being around him whenever she wasn't with her instructors or Mother Kanata. She would always draw Ben and has become very good at it. Her sketchbooks contained nothing but nature and portraits of Ben. He had unique features and has his body has been changing with each passing year. It's fun to document the changes of once a tall lanky boy with large ears and short hair to a man.

Being paired up with Ben wasn't so bad.

Even now.

All the boys in the Community were polite but Ben was the most polite to her. It's mainly because he's known her since she was little. He saw her be distressed for months about losing her parents. He's always been kind to her. Even before knowing their life to come. He walks her back home. To Mother Kanata. Ben always does. "I'll stop by in the morning to give you baby's breath."

He always does. It was tradition for a man to be the one to put flowers in their betrothed's hair. Every single day. Rey nods and waves good bye. Before she sleeps, she takes out the cluster of baby's breath and puts it in her book to be pressed and stored. Men give women flowers and the women store it away when the day was over. To preserve forever. She liked flowers and this was her favorite tradition.

To have keepsakes. Rey was on her second book, second year but every now and then she returns to look through their first book. To see every pressed gypsophila in every page.

* * *

The taste of Rey lingers on his tongue.

He doesn't want it to go away.

* * *

Ben is trying.

She knows this. Ever since she came back with bruises he's been trying to be the reason for her to stay. Rey doesn't belong here and she wished he realized it. Whenever he goes to the outside, he comes back with a processed treat. He's not suppose to and it makes the treat taste even sweeter that he's smuggled it. Break the rules just to have her.

It does something to her when he does that. It makes her want to wear a second cluster of baby's breath. She's not suppose to but she wants to. Wants it be known. There's a lot of things she doesn't like about the Community but Ben wasn't one of them.

* * *

The older Rey gets, the more she feels like she's tainted. She doesn't belong here and it becomes more evident each passing day. All she could think about was going back to her old apartment and wait for her parents. She knows she can't for that also means leaving Ben. You can't leave a Community leader. That wasn't something that was done.

He would be better off without her though. He should be with someone who was faithful to the Community's values. Rey wasn't. She's too loud. Too rough. She's not poised and delicate like she should be. Her fifteenth birthday comes. She's given a phone. She's thrilled for she always wanted one since she was a kid. But it doesn't seem as great now it's in her hands. Hard plastic.

Phones have advanced the last eight years and yet she's given an outdated one from her youth. She can't go online with this phone. Can't watch videos. Can't take nice photos either. It's just a phone meant for calls and limited texting. It's still something though. Other people her age don't have the same emotions like she did regarding this for they don't know much about the outside world the way she does. She keeps going to the outside world, learning every single thing she could.

Ben gets her a new sketchbook for her to fill out. The cover is decorated and there's an exposed spine and thick paper. It's not like the standard ones he gets her. It's new. It's trendy. It's because he knows her. She smiles away her disappointment. He takes her to the lakes to spend time there. He watches the water while she drew him.

She's getting better in capturing his likeness.

At dusk he takes her back to Mother Kanata and they have supper with their families. Mother Leia gives her colored thread to use for embroidery and Father Luke gives her new ribbons to add on to her beige dresses. Men wear black. Women wear shades of tan and beige while married women wear white. Ben's father plays the guitar when everyone's ready to dance. Her birthdays are nice here but she misses her birthdays with her parents. Her parents would take her to Coney Island or Disneyland and let her wear whatever she wanted. Color clothes too. They would let her have cake and ice cream and pizza while here the Community's idea of sweets were blue colored sugar cookies with barely any sugar.

Still, she is thankful. She counts her blessings like all people do. She's fine with supper of vegetable soup and sourdough bread instead of fries and chocolate malt. She's fine with dancing in the backyard with their families instead of dancing to cheesy pop songs with her mom at their favorite eighties skating rink. She's fine just being gathered in a circle and talking instead of watching the newest summer action hero flick with her dad. She's fine with knowing that with each passing day she's closer to becoming a Skywalker like them.

She's fine with everything.

* * *

Her fifteenth birthday marks a start to a new First. Courting time frames alter depending on the Community leader. On average a couple courts for at least a year but for them it's two years due to the age difference. Kylo is carefully fastening the second cluster of gypsophila in her hair. She seems happy to be getting more flowers in her hair. That makes him feel better for he knows she's hesitant to be having their Second First. It's not kissing, that happens on their wedding. Kissing is too intimate and has to be set as one of the last Firsts.

From now on until they get married he has to give her a small container of his come every single morning. So she can mix it in with her morning herbal tea. It's a form of bonding. So she can get used to the taste of his come before their wedding night. Every woman is uncomfortable with it initially. Rey is no exception.

"Thank you," she said as his fingers leave her hair. She's a bit pale.

He sits there, hovering near her. To watch her have her First. She's tense and her movements are slow. He expected that. He observes her. She's slowly opening the small container and using a spoon to scrape off his come into her cup of herbal tea. "Might be best to put some honey to dull out the taste," he suggested.

"That's a good idea. Mother Kanata says it has a bitter taste." She paused and stared at the white liquid spoon before dipping it into her tea. She didn't expect it to be so...thick.

"The tea is hot. It'll be dissolved," he said in a gentle tone. He adjusts his posture. Kylo never expected that she would be the one to be his future wife. Never could imagine that there would be a day where she would taste him. She was just a little girl yesterday and now she's going to be his before he knows it. She's going to be the mother of his children. He still can't wrap his mind around it. Just the other day he was playing with her whenever she acted out and missed her old life.

Rey takes her time to mix her drink until there was nothing for her to add on. Gradually she brings the cup to her lips. She stops to smell it. It smells bitter, just like Mother Kanata said it would. "You're making me nervous," she said with flushed cheeks. He's just there, staring at her intensely with his piercing dark eyes. He doesn't smile like he used to when he was young. He's going to be the leader soon, he can't show emotion.

"There's nothing to be nervous. It's just bonding like how I go tie gypsophila in your hair every morning." He waits patiently, waiting for her to gather the nerve to drink the tea. She spends most of the time just sitting there, staring blankly at the cup of tea that was getting cold. "I don't have much time Rey, I have to go to a meeting soon."

She took a deep breath. "Okay."

He knows why she's having a problem following this custom. This wasn't practiced in the outside. Love was much stronger in the Community. Nothing can ever break a bond between a Community man and a Community woman. Couples were assigned to their perfect match instead of having the autonomy to choose poorly.

Rey scrunches her nose and takes sip. She does her best not to taste it, to have it quickly slither down her throat. It's bitter. It's bitter. It's bitter. She's shaking her hands, it's so gross. It's a miracle she didn't throw the cup to the ground. She wonders how kissing was too intimate but this wasn't.

Kylo couldn't help but to be amused. "Take another few sips. You'll get used to it with every drink."

"Mother Kanata said that with medicine," she said sourly. She couldn't help but to try to clean her tongue with a napkin.

"I don't think it's the taste that's bad, just knowing what it is that freaks you out."

She wrinkled her nose. "Yeah." She froze for a moment. And then she scanned the room. To make sure it was just them. "Do I taste like that?" she whispered, her face darkening to a rosy shade. "Do I taste bitter?"

Ben chuckled slightly. "No," he shakes his head solemnly. "You tasted sweet."

* * *

Kylo takes her to the lakes a week before the harvest. He carries the basket and blanket. Like always. While Rey was running passed him to see the new flowers in bloom. Like always. "Careful. Don't want to get your dress dirty," he advised before she jumped into a puddle.

Rey stopped herself and sighed. "I forget."

"You're far too old to be jumping into puddles."

"If I was back living back outside, I'll be too young for anything," she countered with a cheeky grin. "Too young to be getting married too."

He frowned at her. He hates whenever she makes comparisons. He hates that she thinks she could ever make the outside better than the Community. The outside was dark and grim while the Community was safe and quaint. "Is that what you want? To not be married to me?"

Rey laughed. "Come on, we both know we weren't each other's choice."

Kylo tightened his grip on the basket and blanket.

She notices a shift in his mood and stops laughing altogether. "I was just joking," she said quietly. She tries to help him carry the items. He doesn't let her.

"I don't like it when you do," he said sternly. "You know you have to respect me."

Her skipped a beat. "I know."

There's silence for what felt like forever.

Rey breaks it. "I made you your favorite today," she said, attempting to ease the tension. "I brought extra mustard too."

Kylo sighed as he sees the playful smile on her face. He sets the items on the ground and touches her hair. He's cautious not to touch the white flowers in her hair. "Come on, we're almost at our spot. I brought you those gummy candies you like so much."

She perks up. "Really?"

She always gets excited with junk food. Or anything that was reminiscent of the outside. Last month he got her a car freshener because she missed the smell of artificial lemon. She's strange but he's known that about her since the beginning.

Kylo sets up their station. Makes sure it was all perfect. No creases or folds in the blanket. Pillows all fluffed. Food and activities all laid out. She goes instantly for the candy opposed to the lunch she's prepared for them. And also her sketchbook. He doesn't let her go at it. Instead he gestures her to keep rummaging their basket. He watches in fondness as she lights up at the sight of tiny glass mason jars filled with paint. Her dimples are prominent when she's really excited.

"Thank you!" she squealed. "I love when you make me paint." Her fingers gravitates towards the jar of scarlet red, the one that was the most complex to make. Out of white seashells that require to be burned at a certain temperature. Ben's always been making her paint even before finding out she was assigned to him.

"I know that's your favorite color." His lips curved slightly. She doesn't use that color much since nothing exists in nature in that color. That's why most of the paints he makes are shades of blue and earth tones. Rey mainly uses the bright red color for doodles and sketches. "It's a shame there's nothing here in the Community that has that color." Kylo takes a bite of his food as she immediately assembles her art station. She does stop to nibble on the sour candy. "What are you going to paint?" he asked.

Rey knows exactly what she's going to paint. "You remember that night we had Slurpees in the car?"

He raised his eyebrow. "I do but there's nothing spectacular about that."

She shakes her head in defense. "No! It was pretty. You were faced against the neon lights and your skin was glowing in shades of red. It made your eyes look like gold. I want that image for me to always have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there's anyone who wants to do a mood board of this fic please send me links 🥺
> 
> the imagery here is so mf pretty like -


	3. The Flower Fields

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i still find it amusing that not everyone figured out in chap 1 that this was a cult/ didn't read the tag about it.

Kylo likes to take Rey to the fields, the same place where he told her she would be his wife.

He didn't exactly said those words. He's not as expressive as the other men but he didn't have to speak as much that day. It was all self explanatory. When a woman is taken to the fields by a man near the date or day of the Harvest Festival that she was betrothed to him. And in the evening of the Harvest Festival, all the newly betrothed couples announce their unions to the entire Community.

Kylo was assigned the day of the Harvest Festival to tell Rey while the other men were scheduled several days to a few weeks prior. He didn't mind for it was easier to keep their pairing a secret before the Harvest Festival. Rey was certainly surprised, she expected she would be paired off the following year since the common times of men informing the women their marriages had passed. 

It made it more special. 

Rey was so unexpecting when he asked Mother Kanata for her. Rey was helping prepare the meals with the other women in the Community and she was so excited to be excused from the work that she didn't have any suspicions. All the older women knew of course but didn't say a word. A man revealing their bond to the woman was a very intimate and sacred moment. 

He recalls waiting for her as she showered away the smell of chopped garlic and onions and dressed into her formal clothes for later in the evening. Rey did not put two and two together at all. She's rambling on and skipping as they enter the fields of gypsophila. She assumed he wanted to play with her. Rey was different from the girls who were the same age as her. She clung on to being a child while girls her age let go of their youth with ease. Kylo doesn't correct her for he knew well that she would run away. 

Instead, he goes along with her assumptions. Until they got deep into the fields where she could not flee so easily.

She's going on about how grueling prep work was and how grateful he got her out of it. She tells him the mass amount of vegetables she had to peel and chop. Kylo knows she's telling the truth for Harvest Festival, all the women start cooking a few days prior in order to make enough food for three thousand people. He nods as she complains with a cross expression on her face. 

They used to play in the fields when they were young. Rey loved running in the fields. She loved playing tag and being chased. He's reminded of this as he stopped in place. He waits for her to settle down but she never does. Rey keeps talking and giggling. "I can't remember the last time we spent time together here," she said with such naivety. 

Kylo nodded as he stood there and waited for the realization to register to her. That he didn't take her to the fields to play but to let her know of their union. She's too old to play and yet she's acting like she's not. She's thirteen. She's not a child anymore.

Rey becomes distracted and begins to play with the flowers in bloom. She coos and sighs at the sight. "They're pretty, no?"

He just nods. Doesn't say a word. He doesn't want to break the silence the same way he doesn't want to break her blissful ignorance. But he's going to have to. Kylo watches as she spins and dances in the flower field. She's giggling as she does this. It was tragic.

"I'm sad I don't get to make flower crowns anymore."

"It's how things are," Kylo said in a low tone. He tries to make himself appear nonthreatening. So she won't run away and just accept their marriage. His expression remained blank. He doesn't want to smile for that might startle her. "Little girls make flower crowns and centerpieces for the Harvest Festival while women cook and weave tablecloths and banners."

Rey sighed. "Mother Kanata said it's natural to feel this way - that it's just an adjustment."

"It is," he agreed.

Her eyes brightened then in eagerness. "So what do you want to do? Do you want to wrestle or play tag?"

Kylo doesn't answer. Instead he shifts his body weight to the other side. He just stood there. Waiting. 

Rey's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Is everything alright?"

He puts his hands in his pockets. He's trying desperately to appear calm and welcoming to Rey. So she won't deny their union. Kylo is prepared to run after her. His skin tightened as he watched the light disappear from her face. She's staring at him in horror. He just nods to reassure her that everything was going to be alright that their leader makes no mistake. Kylo knows that there was nothing he could say to make her feel alright. 

She had always been a difficult child.

And just like that, she runs.

He goes after her.

Kylo was not worried about her escaping from him. He lured her to the deepest and tallest parts of the field. She stumbles and trips just like he wanted. Women aren't suppose deny their betrothed. He's thankful no one was present to witness this. She's making him look like a disgrace for being unable to make her obedient. This was supposed to be a romantic and tender moment. 

Their Community leader is never wrong with matchmaking.

Kylo remained silent. He doesn't want to call out for her for he's not sure if he's able to hide his frustration. Rey eventually tires out and stops running. He waits with a twitching jaw for her gather her breath to finally follow custom. The anger sizzles out as tears streamed down her face quietly. He exhaled and wiped her eyes with his fingers. 

This wasn't how things are supposed to be. She's ruined her formal dress and her hair is disheveled from running. Rey can't go to the festival in this state. He can't imagine how wild he must have looked but he can feel it, his sweat trickling down his forehead. He holds his temper as he attempts to brush off the dirt off of her. Kylo wants to show her that their Community leader was right with their pairing. He wants to show her that he is caring and able to maintain her. 

Rey silently laid down in the field. On her back.

He kneeled down to smooth out her hair and the wrinkles in her dress. She remained still as he does. As she should. Kylo wipes the last of her tears and then the dirt spot on her cheek. He bit his lip as he realized it was a bruise. Oh Rey. He keeps his thoughts to himself as he begins to tie clusters of baby's breath in her hair. Seven to be exact. 

Rey stared at the sky as he does this. She doesn't want to look at him. 

He continues to tie flower to her hair. He takes his time, cautious about breaking the flowers from its stem and roots. This was a symbolic gesture - to temporarily tie flowers to indicate the future of their courtship. To symbolize their bond was one with nature, one with the earth. Kylo stared at her after the last cluster was done. She forces herself to stare at him, to acknowledge their courtship. Kylo gently stroked her cheek. Slowly, he unknots the flowers from her hair.

He does this delicately so the flowers won't be ripped and can return being part of the field. He does this all accept for one cluster. He breaks the stems of one cluster to be in her hair permanently. To indicate their first meeting. Kylo ties a gold thread to a lock of her hair to keep it in place. He takes her by the hand and walks her back to home so she can clean herself up for the festival.

When she is ready, he takes her by her arm. She lets him hold her like that. Rey doesn't speak at all for the rest of the night. Even as they present their union to the Community. Even as the little girls put a wreath in her hair to solidify their courtship.

* * *

Ever so often, Rey thinks about the boy she's kissed.

She knows she shouldn't but it's something of hers that she had decided for herself. Rey will always hold those type of memories close. It was her choice, her autonomy. She remembers being so timid as the boy near her age smiled at her as he traced her cheek. Her heart was beating for she knew he was slowly pulling her in.

He was handsome with his welcoming dark brown eyes and dark curly hair. Reminded her of James Dean. And the boy was friendly too. She could tell he was cool by the way he carried himself, the good type of cool. Actual cool. The kind that everybody liked and wanted to be friends with. He did not tease her about her appearance of flowers in her hair and her unflattering cotton beige dress. Rey stood out like a wallflower amongst the others like him. The boy didn't care though. He made her feel accepted. And even more, he was interested. In her.

It was just a thrill, she tells herself. She was not enamored by the boy but the idea of it.

Of doing something she knew very well that she shouldn't.

None of this matters though. Ben will be her husband within a year. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't going to be the Community leader. For that meant she was also going to be the Community leader's wife. It wasn't just him that she has to worry about letting down but their people too. 

Ben is a good man at least and she's grateful for that. He keeps his word. He takes her to the outside whenever she wants. Ben's not interested in what she's into but he does try. Ben is supportive and that's more than enough. Mother Kanata always reminds Rey how lucky she is for being matched with someone so understanding. Rey doesn't need to be reminded. She knows she's lucky. Ben isn't just any person. He was going to be the Community leader and someone of his status who was willing to bend the rules for her says something.

Women don't go to the outside as much as the men. The men go frequently for it was their duty to get supplies. Women stay in the Community to tend to the children and household and finish up their schooling. 

She's going to be a mother some day. They've discussed it or rather it was inevitable to be brought up. Ben wants to have at least three. Rey said that she wanted to have kids but never thought about it that extensively compared to him. They haven't discussed when but something in her bones tells her it's going to be soon. Ben will be a wonderful father and husband but she's not sure if she would be able to be what he needs.

* * *

Rey tries to be what Ben needs and the Community needs. Rey tries. She honestly does. But whenever the pressure becomes overwhelming she always finds herself in the outside world and Ben right beside her to take her back. Today was one of those days. Usually Ben is patient and understanding but not today. He's yelling at her in the car because he's so tired of it.

She doesn't blame him. This was a pattern. Rey doesn't know why she keeps doing this. She hates hurting him and letting him down. 

"I don't know why you keep doing this when you know I'll take you to the outside whenever you want. I don't like you running off by yourself. The outside is dangerous, Rey."

"I'm sorry," she said feebly. She wants to tell him that she's tired of herself too.

Ben pulls off to the side of the road because he never likes driving when he's upset. Her heart drops as she's forced to deal with the consequences. She wants to tell him that she doesn't belong here. Rey doesn't because she knows it'll make him angrier. He doesn't like when she says those words. "Is it too hard for you to stay with me?" he asked her. He doesn't look at her at all. 

"No," Rey says quickly. "It's not you, it's just the Community and all the responsibilities attached to -

"Being with me."

Rey's heart skipped a beat. 

He exhaled as he rubbed his temples. "Rey, you have to grow up," he says in the tone Mother Kanata uses when teaching. In a firm but fair voice. "Adults have to face things they don't want to do. It's part of life."

She starts to cry. She doesn't know why but she does. "I'm sorry I'm a handful. It'll be better if I never came back. You'll be matched with someone better and your life will be easier and the Community will be in better hands."

"Rey, stop. You know I don't like it when you talk like that. What is it this time? Did you run off to see a boy? A new movie? Or did you -

Kylo's skin tightened as he saw the answer on her face. "They're not coming back, Rey," he said gently. He hates whenever that's the reason because there's nothing he could do to make her feel better. She's been wishing for her parents for as long as he known her.

She shakes her head. "They'll come back -

"They left you Rey. They left you alone to die."

Rey's lips trembled. She shakes her head again. She's in deep denial. Always had been. Kylo wanted nothing but to protect her from the truth but now he knows that he can't do that anymore.

"They're aren't good people," he goes on without any hesitation. She needs the truth even if its tears her apart. So it'll give Rey peace. "Your father is a drug dealer and your mother is a prostitute. Father Luke was one of her regulars. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have found you alone in the apartment that day."

She shakes her head. "No. That's not true. My parents are -" she paused. She thought about it - about what her parents did for a living - about everything.

"Rey, you were too young to understand what was happening."

"My parents are good people!" she insisted. She yelled at him as if he was lying. He wasn't. "They love me," she emphasized with all her heart.

Kylo frowned as she began to heave. She speaking but he couldn't understand her. He lets her cry. He lets her feel what she needs to feel. Until she wore herself out. He squeezes her hand through all of it to comfort her.

"It explains why I struggle to fit in," Rey whispered. "It explains why I'm so impure." Her mother is a prostitute and prostitutes were the most unholy and vile to the Community. Her mother is a prostitute and by blood Rey was a whore.

"No," he tells her instinctively. Kylo had always known about Rey's past but he never thought ill of her. He sees her as she is, the daughter of the Community. All daughters of the Community were innocent and pure. "You're not. Don't talk about yourself that way. You are not your parents. And you are not your mother."

"I kiss-ed a boy even though I'm supposed to save myself for you - I - It explains why I-I was unable to be faithful-" she's stuttering now, unable to speak full sentences. She's disgusted with herself. "I'm a daughter of a whore."

Kylo squeezed her hand to settle her nerves. To soothe her. "Don't talk about yourself like that. Rey it's alright. It was just a mistake, a mistake that doesn't change anything about you or how I see you. The Community took you in and our leader matched us together regardless of your family's history. You are the daughter of the Community and all daughters of the Community are innocent and pure." He tilts up her chin so she could see his reassuring smile. 

Her expression softens before she buried her face into his shoulder. He strokes her hair as she clung on to him like she always does. Ever since she was a child. 

"You belong with the Community, Rey."

* * *

It's an erotic sight, seeing his future wife drink his come every morning. He likes seeing her be compliant. She drinks his come without any hesitation for she's used to the taste and smell. Rey likes the taste, he knows. She's too timid to say it but he can tell by quickly she finishes.

Rey's beginning to do something new with consuming his come. She just takes it by the spoonful. With no tea. No sugar. Nothing to mask it. She likes the taste, he gathered. She just wants to taste it purely instead of it being dulled. Kylo pets her hair in fondness as she's nonchalantly scraping the rest of the come out of the small container with her spoon. 

She's lovely when she's behaving like she should be.

Kylo presses a soft kiss on top of her head before he ties flowers to her hair. 

* * *

Kylo likes taking Rey to the fields.

The same place where they used to play when they were young.

Kylo likes taking Rey to the fields.

The same place where they would have meals together and she would draw.

Kylo likes taking Rey to the fields.

The same place where he told her she would be his wife.


	4. The Breathing Machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's terrifying and hilarious that Anakin is the one that started a cult. 
> 
> exposition chapter yee

Rey remembers vividly of being claimed as Ben's wife to be. You can't forget it - being engulfed in the tall fields of baby's breath and being subjected to lay still as your husband to be temporarily tied flowers to your hair. The man doesn't pluck the flowers. No. He keeps them in tact to the earth all except for one cluster of gypsophila. She's unable to escape the memory of her feeling the utter most anxiety of presenting her union to the Community. 

It was quite a sight, her in formfitting eyelet and him in a dark charcoal shirt and dark trousers and suspenders. Attire that alluded to their wedding ceremony in the near future. She was so timid too, for she was finally old enough to partake in tradition of women. Community women dressed modestly but on certain celebrations, they forgo wearing bras and slips. Rey kept trying to cover her chest that night, even as she was forced to follow tradition of dancing with her betrothed. She wasn't used to having her breasts purposely on display. Rey was thirteen then, her body not completely developed at all but she was subjected to wear a thin fabric that was nearly sheer. 

Her cheeks were flushed the entire night from the attention of their union being the central focus to the wondering eyes of men. Everyone was overjoyed of their match at least. And that made her feel better. That they accepted her as worthy enough to be with a man like Ben. Mother Kanata was thrilled of course, for it was an honor for her daughter to be betrothed to the new leader.

Mother Kanata presses a kiss on Rey's temple during the celebration and embraced her future son in law. "The Forces have chosen wisely for you two," she warmly smiled. Rey couldn't help but to push aside her unease to smile alongside with the woman who raised her. "The kindest people together will only be able to do good things." The old woman squeezed her hands lovingly as if it was the last time.

And it was. Hours ago was the last time Rey was a child. She will begin to court Ben the following year and within two years, they will be married. Ben gives a smile to Mother Kanata. "I promise I'll take care of Rey."

Mother Kanata chuckled in fondness. "I know you will. You always have."

Usually Rey loved dancing but she was still adjusting to the news. She only received it hours before. Ben senses it and doesn't urge her to dance. Instead he has them sit down as the others danced with their betrothed and spouses. People stop by their table to congratulate them. Rey's polite and accepts their sweet words but she stayed quiet when the men made male comments.

"The Forces have been generous to you," each man said. "Pairing you off with the most beautiful woman in the Community. Lucky man. She's a handful but she'll tame down with some discipline."

Ben would smile slightly as a response.

And it makes Rey feel slightly better that he doesn't partake in male comments when she was present. Most men do though. She glances ever so often and hears men who were also betrothed this harvest speak of their match as a prized animal. Some men even tug on their woman's clothes to reveal the outline of her body to others. It was all normal though just Rey didn't expect to be matched so soon.

Rey doesn't like it, being addressed as beautiful. She knows all the men in the Community and they never once called her beautiful. They always called her cute but she guess it's because she's finally old enough to be addressed that way. Mother Kanata calls her beautiful all the time but with the men it doesn't sit right with Rey. It sounds nefarious from them.

She just wants to hide in Ben's shoulder for the rest of the night. She's tired of being civil. All she wanted to do was to cover up and go home and still be a child. He pets her hair to comfort her. The night had only just begun and it won't end until the Community leader gives kisses to all of the newly betrothed women. Rey buried her face into Ben's shoulder as a thought occurred to her.

Soon, Ben will become the Community leader and he will be kissing all the newly betrothed women every Harvest Festival.

* * *

There was a lot of misinformation with the outsiders about the Community. Outsiders think the Community as a cult. The Community wasn't though. The Community doesn't wish to inflict harm on others and those who are a part of the Community joined willingly. His grandfather was inspired to create the Community after years of seeing corruption within his previous religion. Anakin was on the path of becoming a priest until he fell in love with Padme, Kylo's grandmother. Padme was a graduate student and they met because she decided to her thesis on the church that Anakin happened to be a part of.

It was forbidden for a priest to marry and so Anakin had to let go of his dream. Anakin and Padme created something beautiful in return, a perfect place and religion that unified every belief in the world. 

Kylo had never met his grandmother. His grandmother died giving birth to his mother and uncle. He knows that she was an amazing person by how much Anakin spoke so fondly of her. She must have been for she was the reason Anakin gave up everything for. 

The loss of his wife was the main factors Anakin liked matching men to young women. You see Padme was older than Anakin. Ten years older to be exact. They met when she was twenty eight and he was eighteen but they didn't get together until several years later. And once they got together they didn't have children right away either. They were focused in creating the spine and writings of their new ideology and dedicated many years perfecting it. Kylo knows that was the reason why his grandfather urged for men to have children right away. To have less complications.

The outsiders think the Community is a sex cult. The Community wasn't. Or any cult for that matter. They believed in monogamy contrary to what conspiracists assume. Arranged marriages are still practiced everywhere to this day, even in the outside world. Even in first world countries. And the Community has one of the best education systems in the United States. Everyone is happy and healthy here. There was no poverty in the Community. No homelessness. No hunger. No child without a family. They weren't a pyramid scheme or a murderous group or any crazy theory theorists have. The Community just lives differently than the outside. The Community values the simple life and intimate bonds. 

The Community was a great place to be.

A great place to be a part of.

* * *

There was once a time when the Community was under the public eye of the outside. It was years ago, before Kylo was born. His mother and uncle were once in love. It was many years ago, Leia and Luke were young and only in their teens. Their father was supportive for he was the Community leader, understanding and wise but the outside weren't like them.

The Community was normal. They viewed incest relationships as wrong but Anakin made an exception for his children. He always strived for everyone to feel welcomed. Somehow the outside found about this and the Community was subjected to be under an intensive investigation by the government. The Community was eventually deemed harmless as Anakin explained that this was merely a phase that will eventually pass.

And it did. Leia married Kylo's father and Luke decided to have a life of being a bachelor. 

However, the Community's reputation had been deeply affected by this. Even after all these years, the outside still sees the Community as dangerous. That's why Kylo's grandfather never passed down the role to his children for the Community's public image was tarnished by them. Anakin decided to wait until the scandal was just a faint memory.

And it was.

The Community has been around now for over fifty years. The outside doesn't remember much about the incident and only sees the Community as a weird hybrid of Amish and sci-fi. Soon Kylo will be the new Community leader and continue to build his grandfather's vision. To finish what his grandfather started.

* * *

The bond between a man and his wife was sacred. The Community practices edging as a method to strengthen the connection between a man and a woman during their courtship. Kylo was aware that certain practices were seen as odd by the outside and how Rey reacts to them. There was nothing strange about the Community's customs at all.

Rey was slowly getting close to him, which is the sole reason why customs are implemented. 

The Community leader praises Kylo for the progress in his relationship. 

"Thank you," Kylo said, painting a pleased expression on his face. He's not so sure Rey will stay in the end. He's not sure she'll be willing to marry him on their wedding day. Kylo doesn't voice his concerns for as the future leader he can't show weakness. There had always been responsibility looming over him. Pressure that was given by his mother and uncle to appear normal to the outside world. The Community had made it free from being disbanded all those years ago but Kylo was aware that this will always be a worry. The outside doesn't like anything different.

His grandfather smiles at him for a moment before coughing. He's not a young man anymore. He's frail and old. Kylo will take his grandfather's place the next year so his grandfather can rest. Kylo will give him great grandchildren immediately so he can spend time with for the remainder of his days. Kylo pats his grandfather's back as he hands his grandfather a glass of water. 

"Let me help you lay down," Kylo said.

His grandfather has been through many things throughout his life. Anakin was plagued with heartbreak and health issues. He was more machine than anything, connected to oxygen tanks and ventilators. That was why the Community was health conscious for Anakin did not want others to struggle like he was. The Community stresses on a balanced and clean diet along with refraining from alcohol and drugs. Anakin did not take care of himself in his youth and had injured himself countless of times from being under the influence.

It was the reason why Kylo's grandfather doesn't have an arm. His arm was torn off in a heated altercation years ago.

Kylo helps his grandfather onto the bed. Kylo was strong but this wasn't a simple task. He's careful, making sure no wires was pulled out. Every little thing attached to his grandfather kept him alive. 

"Thank you," his grandfather said proudly in a weak voice. 

Kylo suppressed a frown. His grandfather gets exhausted at an accelerated rate now. His grandfather gets tired after speaking for longer than five minutes. Kylo doesn't want to show his grandfather his concern. He can't. As a man of his status, he can't show weakness. 

"You will be a great Community leader," Anakin praised once more. "I'm so thankful I have you as an option to carry the role. Your mother and uncle are incapable of carrying on my legacy. I can go in peace at any time, knowing what I built will be in tact. You will be a great leader, Kylo. After all, you're just like me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eventually i'll release a playlist of songs for this fic!


	5. Butterflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to summarize the timeline: 
> 
> First chapter we are introduced to them when Rey is 14 and Ben is 19. They have been betrothed when Rey was 13 and he was 18 but haven't begun courting until a year later. Currently Rey is 15 and Ben is 20. 
> 
> //
> 
> Anakin is deranged but no one's surprised (i hope)

Her mother's name is Irene and her father's name is Paul.

Rey recites this information to herself every single day ever since she was six years old. She does this so she won't forget them. That was the last thing she wanted to do, for them to be forgotten. She keeps all of her photos of them in her diary. She had multiple diaries but this one in particular she purposely kept this book relatively empty. She mainly used this diary to draw portraits of her parents opposed to her sketchbooks for she doesn't want anyone to see them. Especially Ben.

Ben gets sad whenever she brings up her parents. Rey was older now and she finally understood the reason for the irrational behavior of his. He's afraid of her leaving and the mere mention of her parents frightens him. Always had. Ever since they were young, all he ever wanted was to make her content with her new home. They had a sibling bond when they were young. He acted as her older brother who would fight the monsters away. Rey always wanted an older brother. Their bond had only deepened ever since they found about their onion.

Their relationship was slowly blossoming into a romantic one.

Rey thinks about him as she proceeded to draw her parents in her private diary in her favorite secret spot. In a cave. Hidden by a waterfall. A place where she could be by herself in peace, drawing with a cool breeze from the water. The place where she stores her most prized possessions - remnants of the family she once had. A place apart from the Community, a place that was just hers. She knows now her parents weren't the people that she remembered as but she still loves them. 

She'll always cherish all the fond memories she had with her mother and father. As she drew, she recited to herself facts about them. Rey wasn't exactly given the opportunity to speak about her parents to anyone and she doesn't want to forget anything about them. Rey was the striking resemblance of Irene with Paul's colored eyes and his straight hair. Irene loved anything 80s and would make Paul find places that still do drive in movie theaters. Paul loved miniature toy trains and working on his cars.

Insignificant as the facts were, they were everything to Rey.

They were the truth.

And even though Rey knows the real truth, she still hopes.

* * *

Rey thinks her mother would have liked Ben. Her father would be reluctant and protective for Ben is older than her. And also Rey was her dad's little girl. Her dad would feel threatened by Ben's stature. Rey's certain Ben was taller than her Dad and her Dad would feel emasculated next to him. Her mother will put some sense into dad and tell him not to be insecure with his masculinity. To be fair Ben was the tallest person ever, he's the tallest and most muscular in the Community. Men are always intimidated by him. 

Her mother was a very forward thinking woman. Her mother believed in equal treatment of everyone regardless of gender and orientation and race. Rey remembers for her mother taught this to her early on. Irene also taught Rey the importance of speaking your mind and never being afraid of being yourself. Irene was a good mother, taught Rey about strangers and guarding yourself.

Mom wouldn't have liked the Community and neither would Dad. Her parents were from the outside and believed a child wasn't an adult until they reached eighteen years of age. For the Community it was thirteen years of age. Her Dad would certainly want Rey to wait until she was thirty years old to date. Rey knows because he constantly stated that to her. And Mom would also want Rey to go to college first before settling down.

But Rey is confident that her Mom and Dad would like Ben. Ben was gentle and respectful. And he's been taking care of her since forever. He brings her mementos of the outside and takes her to the outside even though he's not supposed to. He frequently suggests about her fully assimilating with the Community but never forces her. Most men in the Community wouldn't do that for her. Rey knows for Mother Kanata always reminds her.

Rey finds herself appreciating Ben more every single day.

* * *

Kylo begins going to the outside frequently ever since Rey turned fifteen. He goes to treat his urges. Before he only slept with prostitutes once a month but now he has to go often to fight off his temptations. This was normal. The Community does certain practices in courtship to create longing. So when a couple is finally married their sexual experience will be intensified and tantalizing. Just like his grandfather and his grandmother's first time. Anakin was on the road to be a priest and Padme was a graduate student doing a documentary on him. They withheld their inhibitions for years before becoming succumbing to them. Anakin was a virgin while Padme had years of experience. Padme was ten years older after all while Anakin was celibate his entire life. That was why Anakin allows boys to have sexual experiences so when the time comes to satisfy their wife, they will be ready. 

Rey doesn't seem to be aware of the increase of his trips to the outside. She was naïve, so innocent of his developing physical attraction towards her. He does come back with a small gift for her each visit though. This Rey looks forward to but she hasn't put two and two together. He doesn't know why he feels guilty every time he has sex with a prostitute especially since he is safe. Contrary to what the outside believes, the Community teaches about sex education to both women and men. Especially with having safe sex with prostitutes.

The men who are betrothed as well aren't bothered about the fact.

It feels...wrong. He doesn't know why but it does. It had always felt like that even before he was matched with Rey and had to lose his virginity to a prostitute when he was fourteen. Although having sex was pleasurable, he's always left dissatisfied. Kylo can't entirely explain what he was feeling besides feeling like disrespectful. After all, Rey's mother was a prostitute and he thinks so highly of Rey. And by that connection, he thinks highly of her mother and as well as all prostitutes. The Community views prostitutes as dirty and unholy but Kylo doesn't fully agree on that. He's aware that there are people that have no other options in that profession in order to survive. He's also aware that there are people enjoy their line of work. As much as the Community wants to demonize them, he can't since Rey is associated with that. 

But Kylo doesn't say a word for you don't question the Community leader. Especially when you are the sole heir. He must lead by example.

* * *

Unlike the others, Kylo never hoped to be matched with any particular girl. In the Community, you know everyone and he found every woman suitable. He had no preference for that matter. Kylo was indifferent. And yet when his grandfather informed him of the girl he would be for the rest of his life, he was left surprised. He never thought of Rey as an option. 

She had always just been Rey. The girl who his family had a close connection to since his uncle found her and brought her in. He had always seen her as a little sister and never a possible spouse.

But he's grateful that she was chosen for him. He doesn't realize this until they were a year away from their marriage. Rey was far from dull and he found everything boring by how perfectly things were laid out. Kylo didn't discover until recently how boring all the women were compared to her. She certainly was unpredictable and keeps him entertained. He's reminded of this as it was his turn today to lead the Community meeting. He doesn't particularly enjoy public speaking but he knows he has to get over it soon enough. It's not that he gets nervous or anxious, he just doesn't like speaking.

Rey is sitting among women her age, listening to him as she should be doing except she's not acting like how she should as the future Community leader's wife. She's sitting there idly with her hands folded as she should be - but she was making discrete silly faces at him to make him break his formal façade. 

Kylo doesn't break at all but he does find it endearing how unafraid Rey is even at her current age. Everyone was supposed to be serious and for her in particular, she was a woman. She must be poised and graceful. Typically Rey was but for whatever reason she has, today she decided not to be.

She keeps her gaze locked on to him as she scrunched up her face and wriggled her nose. 

He keeps his stern contact on her as he spoke diligently, silently addressing to her that she could not break him. 

It's all innocent though. Rey always had a silly side to her. She merely wants him to feel comfortable with public speaking, maybe perhaps have him smile. He won't though, he doesn't like smiling in public. He's not upset at all instead for she feels safe to be herself around him. Kylo is thankful he is matched with her for he knew very well most men won't like that and would try to make her wither. Kylo would rather have a woman who challenges him than a complicit unhappy woman. 

Her eyes are bright as she was smiling sweetly at him, her dimples visible and prominent. Rey's lovely when she's acting as she should be but she glows and shines when she's being herself. Even as she's currently sticking out her tongue as Kylo was announcing the newest members of the Community. She's careful as she does this, makes sure no one else notices.

When everyone claps to welcome the newest additions, Rey puffs her face like a fish before proceeding to show him her smile, teeth and all. She's grinning so goofily.

She's ridiculous sometimes, completely childish even. 

Kylo doesn't mind at all. She brightens his day. Makes him forget all his responsibilities and brings some color into the mundane. Rey giggles as his eyes flickered. 

Mother Kanata catches this and glares at Rey.

Rey stops sheepishly. Kylo's mouth twitches for he wants to smirk but he doesn't. He has to be formal, after all he has a certain image to carry.

* * *

The meeting is followed directly to a community lunch to celebrate the newest members. Later in the evening there will be dancing and the exchanging of gifts. For now Kylo is patiently waiting for Rey to be done setting the food on the tables with the women. So she can sit beside him and have a meal with him. At the moment, his mother is feeding grandfather while his father was making sure all the wires and tubes attached to grandfather were secured.

Grandfather is only able to eat though a tube now.

"Rey is growing beautifully," his grandfather says as he's being fed. His father is smiling and so is his mother. 

Kylo nods. He doesn't know how to respond other than that.

"Her breasts are small but they'll fill in once you fill her," his grandfather says in a chipper tone. 

Kylo paused to think about a response. He couldn't find any and so he just nods again. He knows his grandfather was only giving compliments but he doesn't know how to respond. It's still all strange for Kylo to hear Rey be spoken about like that publicly and when she's not around. "Let me go check up on her," he said as he excused himself. Sometimes he can't be around that type of conversation. 

"It's alright. Just let the women do their work, they know what to do," his mother reassured him. "Stay, keep your grandfather some company."

He's obligated to sit back down and entertain his grandfather. He loves his family but he hates being around when the conversation shifts to about the current status of Rey's body. They've been having that conversation more and more as Rey gets physically matures. 

Mother Kanata goes to their table and asks to speak to him about a pressing matter. Kylo swiftly gets up, giving the woman his full attention. "Of course," he said. "Let's go speak over there in private." Kylo gestures for Mother Kanata to follow. "How can I help you?" he asked her.

Mother Kanata exhaled weakly. "I would like to apologize for my daughter's behavior earlier -

"It's perfectly alright," he said firmly.

The old woman raised her eyebrow in confusion but continues on. "I spoke to her to make sure she doesn't act up again."

Kylo hides his amusement as he knew very well the woman gave Rey a scorn. "Don't worry," he said as he raised his hands slightly to prevent Mother Kanata from rambling. "All is forgotten." He loses his focus when he hears dishes break. He peers and sees Rey on the ground, picking up broken pieces. He goes to her. "No I got it," he tells her before she cuts herself. 

Several women come in to help clean up the mess.

"No, no it's alright," he tells all the women. "I got this. I don't want anyone getting hurt."

The women don't listen and continued cleaning. Even Rey. He has no choice but to allow them to do so. For some reason, it escaped his mind that women clean. It doesn't seem right especially with the having to pick up broken porcelain. Rey winces and brings her arm close to her chest. 

Kylo grabs her hand and tends to her cut. "Are you alright?" he asked.

Rey laughs, shrugging him off. "I'm perfectly alright. It's just a tiny cut. I'll live."

He clutches on to her hand and wipes the trickles of blood from her finger. 

She swats him away from her. "I just need to disinfect it and get a band aid. I'll manage."

Kylo ignores her and kisses her cut. Like he always does when she got hurt. Rey's cheeks flushed. "I'm fine," she whispered as she pulled her hand away. "I just need to go to the bathroom and clean my finger." She excuses herself and Kylo lets her go. He doesn't notice the sudden silence until she was gone.

Kylo swallowed hard as it occurred to him what he had done. He had unknowingly questioned customs and showed public displays of affection. He's not supposed to do that. Especially showing affection since him and Rey were not married yet. It was inappropriate. His ears grow hot and involuntarily he covers his ears with his hair.

The silence transitions back to normal chatter and quaintness and all is forgotten.

But the moment still latches on to him. He didn't mean to embarrass Rey.

* * *

Rey's skin crawls whenever she is around the Community leader. For as long as she could remember. It's not that he's mean, he's actually nice. He's just so...scary looking. Anakin is ghostly pale with deep creases in his skin. He's close to bald and his scars and burns are visible and wrap around his entire frail body. He's not exactly in perfect health. Anakin is slightly overweight but he's not portly and he speaks with a voice box that distorts his voice. Tubes and wires keep him alive and there was always someone pushing his wheelchair. Anakin didn't always looked like that. He was once a handsome man before his grief took over. Rey knows it's wrong to feel uncomfortable by anyone's appearance. She's not discriminating him over his disabilities or health issues - it's just...he's rather friendly. A little too friendly.

He's friendly with everyone though. Rey doesn't know why she's creeped out by that, especially when he's gradually showing signs of dementia. 

She feels guilty for feeling this way especially since he is Ben's grandfather.

She swallows her unease as she greets him at the celebration. He takes her hands and squeezes them as he gives her a toothy smile. Rey forces herself to smile, telling herself that he's old and old people are always touchy. When her parents were around, they always visited retirement homes and all the old people were like this. Except, he's a little bit....much. "Thank you dear. My, you look more and more like my late wife."

"Thank you," she said. He always tells her that. Rey wants to pull away from his hands but she doesn't. 

He finally lets go of her. Slowly he lifts his fingers in the air and points at the flowers in her hair. "You haven't gotten your third First yet," he observed with a frown.

"Eventually she'll receive it," Ben assures his grandfather.

"Make sure you give her the Firsts on time. Don't delay them, they must be given on schedule," the Community leader said in almost a command. Rey will receive four Firsts in their courtship and the last three Firsts on their wedding. 

Ben nods.

Rey tries to smile but she's unable to. She's frozen in place, feet planted by her role. The spell is broken when Ben ends the conversation passively and announces the time to do the last gathering, to welcome the newest members once more. Rey goes back to sit at the table with Mother Kanata while the Community leader and his main disciples gave their final speeches before transitioning the rest of the night to dancing. 

She sits beside Mother Kanata in relief. Mother Kanata exchanged a look to her to not act out. Rey wouldn't after getting caught earlier. She listens as the Community leader spoke but she couldn't help but to stare at Ben. He's standing alongside with his family as Anakin spoke. He stood out amongst his family - all men in the Community in general. Ben is the tallest and the biggest. While his family had brown hair, his was dark. Out of the rest of the main disciples, he was the one that Rey felt was the most disinterested. He gets bored easily with everything all planned for him since birth.

Rey never noticed this until she began courting him. She always thought he was one hundred percent dedicated to the Community. He would never say it to anyone or even her, but she knows. Ben just wants to live up to his family's legacy. Be the perfect son. Because he loves his family. 

Ben stands there, listening respectfully to every main disciple's speech as he waits for his turn to speak. It's transparent to Rey that he's disinterested. She keeps her gaze on him, unable to concentrate on anything else. She focuses on how discretely he's moving his fingers to keep himself entertained during the dry speeches. Everyone was listening, all invested - but she wasn't. And neither was he.

His dark eyes meets hers amongst the crowd of three thousand people, his expression blank and formal. The poker face she knew very well. His eyes were half lidded but he's still staring at her with his full attention. It feels like it's just the two of them in the twinkling forest. Rey gives him a small smile. Not a cheeky or playful smile, something else. She feels butterflies in her stomach and she realized then she must be nervous. Her heart starts to beat rapidly. She never thought she would be able to have that moment in all the romance movies she loved so much. But she was. Butterflies were fluttering across her skin.

His mouth curves but not fully. But it was still a smile. She felt her cheeks become flushed but he doesn't seem to notice as it was his turn to speak. Rey didn't mind for she was beaming in pride that she finally was able to get him to smile. She listens to him as he spoke, unable to stop herself from smiling. He doesn't speak as eloquently as the others but Rey doesn't mind. She finds it endearing how there were long pauses and his face all furrowed in frustration whenever he stumbles with his words. That man was her husband. Well soon, anyways. 

The last gathering ends with music being played. Pretty strings making dreamy music. Everyone gets up to dance under the night starry sky with twinkling lights laced around each tree. Rey doesn't dance for she was waiting for him. The man that was her dance partner from now on. Even in death. She sits there at the table by herself but she wasn't alone. 

The butterflies in her stomach were keeping her company. And warm.

She watches as he made his way towards her, politely brushing every person one by one. Rey contemplates about going to him but she's left unsure and so she sits there. The butterflies were fluttering frantically as he got closer. She wished the butterflies would go away so she wouldn't feel this shy. He gets there, his hand held out for her.

Rey nervously but happily accepts. They danced amongst the others. She loved dancing, always had. She loved twirling and spinning but she found herself forgetting do so for his fingers were tracing the band aid on her finger. Everyone was dancing in flowy motions but she and him were going at a slower pace. There was less letting go. Less spinning. Less twirling. Rey didn't mind for she liked their hands linked together. And any reason for them to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is aka the romantic chapter
> 
> one of the songs in the playlist is "Willow" by Taylor Swift


	6. Apple Orchard

Rey's calming down as the time goes by, Kylo notices. She's not as difficult as she once was. Perhaps she finally accepted their bond. He's rather relieved for she gave him hell the first two years with her running off to the outside and being defiant to courting customs. Her sixteenth birthday is slowly approaching and they will be married off before they know it.

He has yet to give Rey her third First let alone her fourth First. 

Kylo doesn't know why he hasn't. 

She will let him too, he's sure of it but he's hesitant. Ever since he was brought to the world, his purpose is to live up to his family's legacy. To meet their approval. With that title, it also meant being a role model to the Community as a husband and father. Growing up, he was told that any woman would be honored to be his wife and would give him no trouble. And yet, he is given Rey.

He was never prepared to be bonded to Rey, let alone expected to have another person to earn their approval. He admits that was why they clashed their first year of courting. Kylo wasn't used to any bit of reluctance and defiance especially from Rey. He never thought of her as an option. She was always the girl from the Community. Not just any girl, but the girl. The girl his uncle had found and brought in. The girl that finally made Mother Kanata a mother. Made Mother Kanata more than a teacher. The girl that always looked forward to seeing him. The girl that always amused him with her childishness and endless energy. The girl never gave him trouble before.

Until they were chosen to be together.

Kylo was never taught rejection and he did not learn it until she was running away from him during their first meeting. No one told him the possibility of any woman running away from him, let alone trying to escape their fate. But Rey did. He chased her in the fields on the day of the Harvest Festival two years ago until she was worn out, scraped skin and all. 

He had learned humility in his studies but never experienced it until with her, when the first courting year she purposely skipped their meetings and events. 

Kylo tries not to think about it. He doesn't want to make himself upset. They were doing better. Rey seems to be settling well into her role. She attends her meetings consecutively now and she dances with him at public functions. He holds her empty basket as he takes her to the apple orchard. He staggers behind her, observing her every move.

Will she run today?

She knows very well that for the third First, the man takes the woman to the apple orchard to find the perfect tree to sit under so the man can slip his hand under her dress and finger her. She must be aware - but then again she didn't register what was going on during their first meeting. Kylo clutches on to the basket as Rey excitedly talks about finding the best apples so she can make the best apple pie and caramel apples.

"It's so pretty!" Rey squealed as she turned to him. "And the weather is so nice today."

He smiles slightly, unable to give her a full one. 

"I'm so happy you're so tall," she grinned, her eyes twinkling. "You will get the best apples. I'll make you white cheddar and apple soup as a thank you."

She doesn't see to realize why he took her here today. He's taken her here in their youth and so she thinks of this day as a nostalgic date. The weather was nice at least. Not too hot and not too chilly. The sun was there, peeking through the leaves to give them small clusters of warmth as they ventured into the apple orchard. There were other arranged couples who were here for the same specific reason.

Rey greets each one of them for you know everyone in the Community. She doesn't notice she's the only one with a basket. Kylo stays behind as he lets her be. He puts his hand in his pocket, in the same pocket where he kept his small container of gypsophila. He's late with giving Rey her third First but at least he's not the only one. At least the embarrassment will be witnessed by four couples and not twenty. 

She's conversating with the women but she wasn't aware that the men were becoming agitated for stealing their time. Kylo goes to her and takes her by the arm to leave the couples be.

"What's going on?" Rey asked. "I was just talking to Meredith-

"I really want to start scavenging for the best apples," he simply responded.

Rey nodded and perked up before him. She takes her basket from his hand and leads him to a tree. She likes to climb trees, always had. Kylo lets her because she's happy and he wants to make her happy. "Careful," he cautioned. He stays planted on the earth, prepared for if she should fall and slip. He will catch her because frankly he thinks he's too heavy for the tree.

"I am. I just missed this so much, you know? You haven't taken me apple picking ever since you changed your name."

"You mean when I reached maturity," Kylo corrected her. The way she's describing it is something insignificant but it wasn't. 

"Yeah. That."

At least Rey tied her dress up so she wouldn't get caught by any branch. She's tossing him apples. "I can carry you if you want," he offered. He doesn't want her to get cut or dirty. It was one thing to let her be wild but another to have evidence of it. 

"Okay!" she squealed as she jumped into his arms.

She's light but she manages to still make him stumble with how spritely she was. At least there was no one around their vicinity to witness this. Couples naturally spread out for privacy for their third Firsts for it was intimate and women are shy. The third First was created as a response to the story of Adam and Eve. The Community doesn't view women as the downfall. Women are holy. Women are pure. Women are sacred. The Community believed that pleasure was not a sin. Girls when they reach maturity receive vibrators for self pleasure. External vibrators. Clit vibrators. No insertion. For that part belonged to her husband. 

Rey's on his shoulders, attempting to reach the object of her attention. She can't reach but she still tries, huffing and all. She's so silly. He wonders if there was a way he could make this day a fond memory for her.

* * *

They go deeper into the orchard. She's tempting him to play with her. To play hide and seek. To run. Kylo shakes his head no but she persists because she's Rey. She stops in her tracks as sees from a distance Meredith and Abel sitting underneath a tree. Abel was giving Meredith her third First. He waits for Rey to respond. 

She doesn't. She ignores the sight and keeps going.

Kylo follows her.

Rey stops when she sees a first being given with Jeffery and Helen. Rey looks at him with flushed cheeks. He stares at her and waits for her to speak. He can tell she was confused but at least she was aware what was going on. At least this wasn't a common day. At least it was less people.

"I can take you home if you want," he tells her gently. He carefully chooses his words to let her know that she has an option. A choice. He can tell that picture perfect day was ruined. He rather take her home than for him to run after her.

Her eyes widened slightly. Perhaps in surprise. Kylo doesn't know. He can't always read her mind. But he can tell she was terribly torn about the ordeal. "I want to pick more apples - if that's okay," she says quietly. She's nervous.

Kylo nods and touches her back in assurance. "It's perfectly alright."

She smiles at him then. It's not her typical joyous smile though. It was genuine but something else. Something he had never seen.

* * *

When her basket is filled to the top, that's when he takes her home. Typical Rey, she has the basket on her lap in the car instead of setting it aside. She hugs the basket, happy with her pickings. Kylo thinks about the white cheddar and apple soup she's going to make for him. He'll go to the outside to get the thickest cut of bacon for it.

He likes it when she makes him food. Gives him a glimpse of their home life to come.

"Did you enjoy today?" he asked.

"I did."

Kylo paused before starting the car. Her tone was off. "You don't sound alright."

"It's nothing."

"Is it?" he presses on.

"Yeah it's just -" she stops then.

"What is it?" he watches her clutch on to her basket. 

"It's nothing."

"Rey," he said firmly.

Her cheeks flushed then. She's embarrassed. Perhaps from what she saw. Another person's pleasure. She fumbles with the gypsophila in her hair. And Kylo understood what was on her mind.

"You didn't seem ready," he responded. Perhaps she felt left out seeing her friends get their third First while she didn't. 

Rey turned away from him. "I was ready but I don't think you wanted to though."

Her answer catches him off guard. He didn't expect she looked forward for him to pleasure her. "I do."

She turns to his direction but doesn't give him eye contact. She's shy, nothing more. "Why didn't you?"

"You were happy. I didn't want to ruin that." 

"I was sort of waiting for..." she covers her face of then. 

"Oh," he held his breath. He didn't read her right at all. He thought she wanted to just pick apples.

"It's alright. I'm kinda glad it didn't happen. I want to but it's out in the public. There were other people besides couples. There were children and their parents in there while third Firsts were being...received. It doesn't really sit right with me."

And he agrees but he doesn't vocalize it. He's going to be the Community leader soon. He can't question the way things are done. But it doesn't feel right either. Yes the women being pleasured are covered but it was obvious what was happening with a man's hand in her dress. As other people passed by.

There's a moment of silence.

Kylo breaks it. "Would you let me if it's in a private place?"

"Would you want to?" she asked, pressing her lips together. 

"Of course." Even if it's not done the way it's supposed to.

Rey raised her eyebrow. "Are you sure? And not because you have to?" her voice cracks. Her face is breaking apart and then she starts crying. 

He sighed. He hates being reminded how close she held on to the outside. Kylo wished she just let the past die. "Rey our bond is real. Despite us not having the choice to choose, our bond it's real. It's not manufactured."

"I know I wasn't your first choice."

Kylo hushes he as she's sobbing quietly. He can't really hold her when she's clutching on to the basket. "I know I wasn't your first choice either and yet all I want to do is have your approval."

Her nerves settle down before him. She's sniffling but she's in a better state. "All I want is your approval too."

There was another moment of silence but not of turmoil but the revelation of their mutual understanding for one another. It all seems so simple now. Trivial almost. The answer was there, had always been there. He doesn't know why they struggled so much in their early stage together. 

Rey finally sets aside her basket to the floor, her hands open for once. Open to be held. He can't though. He can't. "I would like think if you were still part of the outside you would still choose me," he says, clutching on to his car keys.

Rey chuckles lightly.

He couldn't help but to be surprised.

"That wouldn't be allowed, for an outsider to be with a Community member. I can't see you ever being interested in me if that was the situation, with you being so loyal to the Community. And in that scenario you would be engaged to another. And I would be too young to wed. I would be in high school with the only responsibility of getting good grades and having a clean room." She's giggling at the thought.

Kylo doesn't laugh. He hates whenever she brings up that version of how her life would have been. She belongs here in the Community and he can't even accept the thought of anything else.

"How would we meet in that scenario?" she asked. She paused to think about it. "I suppose I would stumble upon you in the forest."

She doesn't answer about being interested and it eats him up on the inside. 

"You would probably be fishing or gathering wood for a celebration," Rey goes on. She's smiling at the thought. "And I would be camping with my parents and I would get myself lost." She's laughing then.

He chuckles for he sees that. Rey does whatever she pleases. She flows like the water.

"And you would help me find my way," her eyes locked on to his. "Because you know the ways of the forest."

"We would be star crossed lovers, like the ones in the movies you like."

Rey doesn't seem to be pleased by the dream like comparison. He was only trying to go along with her tone, attempt to follow the path of this fantasy. "We wouldn't want that. Star crossed lovers never end up together. Their fate always ends in death and despair."

"Either situation I would try to give you happiness."

She smiles.

The keys in his hand felt heavy then. He stared out. There's still daylight left. Still time. "Do you want to go home?" he asked.

"I want to receive my third First before I go," her face became red. 

Kylo blinked. He was caught off guard again by how vocal she was. He doesn't question it. This was new, her being willing and he has to act fast. "Alright we can -

"But not in the apple orchard," she said quickly. "I want to go somewhere private."

"Okay. Let me think about where we can go."

"I think I know a place where we can go."

* * *

Rey takes him to her favorite secret spot. The one that no one in the Community knows about. In a cave. Hidden by a waterfall. Members of the Community hike to the waterfall all the time but neve thought to climb one and explore. It was her place, had been for years. And it'll be his too. 

Even as she guided him, he was more concerned in her tripping and falling as they climbed to her favorite spot. He made them go slow. He climbed behind her, holding a little bit of her dress so it wouldn't get caught in anything.

She watches with large eyes as he examined her little home. Her heart is racing for it occurred to her that he's going to look through the things that she keeps hidden here. Things he won't like. Mementos and sketches of her parents. It's not that he hates her parents, he's afraid she'll run away. Rey dug her nails in the palms of her hands as Ben scanned her little home.

"We can eat first," she says as he's eyeing her sealed jar containers of granola and dried fruit. 

"No, it's fine. I'm just looking," he said. He walks over to her bookshelf and runs his fingers along the contents of it. Rey's heart was racing faster as he touched her journals. Please don't look at them, she thought weakly. "Did you make this shelf?" he asked, glossing over her keepsakes.

She sighed to herself before nodding in pride. She made it years ago and it's still in good condition. "Yeah. I made it out of scraps of dried wood. My dad was very handy and taught me how to be like him." Rey bit her lip as she realized she mentioned her father.

"It's impressive. The whole set up. Very homely."

Rey couldn't help but beam. It was nice getting compliments. She can tell he was intrigued by not only her set up but her. "You look like you have something on your mind."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "I'm just wondering when you had the time to assemble this." Ben grabbed the two blankets off the hooks and puts them on the ground. On the woven carpet she made a year ago. 

"I find the time." She sits herself down for she knows what he was doing. He was preparing her. 

"Your father taught you well."

She couldn't help but to smile to know that there was going to be a place and time for them to talk kindly of her parents. "Yeah, he did," she said fondly. Of course she was very young when her dad taught her stuff so she doesn't remember much. Most of the things she knows she picked up from watching the men in the Community work. Especially with maintenance and making sure to use the right materials to avoid mold or deterioration. Rey pulled the covers to her lap as Ben turned on the lamp.

Slowly he goes to her.

Rey tries not to hide her face. She's holding her knees as he sits beside her. He's close and he's going to touch her down there. She turns the other direction. She's scared.

"I'm really thankful you let me into your little space," he said. "I know this place is important to you and for you to let me in is an honor."

Her heart skipped a beat. "You're going to- to be-be my husband," she was stuttering. She's so anxious. "And I don't want to have any secrets from you."

Ben's lips curved into a slight smirk. "I guess I should be honest with you then."

"What?"

"I've known about your secret place."

Rey's eyes flickered several times. "What?"

"For years," he says unable to hide his smirk. "I used to be the one that have to find you whenever you ran off. Naturally I found out. Don't worry I never went inside your place. I knew you wanted to have a space of your own."

Her face became scorching hot. She couldn't help but to frown.

Ben smiles and pets her hair. "Don't worry. No one else knows about this place. I never told anyone."

"Really?" 

He chuckled. "Really."

Rey buries her face in his arm like a child she was. Ben strokes her hair to soothe her. She shuts her eyes for she knows what was going to happen. She took him to her secret space that she never let anyone in and he made her place comfortable. Made her place into something that was also his own. He put the blankets on the floor. Turned on the lamp. And right now he's comforting her.

Preparing her.

She keeps her eyes shut as he played with the flowers in her hair. Symbols of their bond. She's going to get another cluster soon. He pulls the blankets more to keep her warm as he rubbed her back. Rey was still as he does this. Doing what she's supposed to do. She lets his hand go underneath her dress. Rey lets him give her third First.

And then she lets him give her the fourth First.


End file.
